Thursday, June 21, 2007
I was involved in a "traveling" box swap a couple of months ago on a diaper sewing message board I belong to. The first person would fill a flat rate box full of stuff, mail it to the first person on the list, they would take out what they wanted, put more stuff in the box and mail it to the next person, and so on. It was awesome.
Anyway, I found this lycra PUL fabric (pul is a waterproof diaper fabric)...which would make a great swim diaper. I sent it to Tia because she said she would make a swim diaper for Krista. Well, her imagination took off, and she made this gorgeous, super cute swim suit for the baby :) She also made a surprise for me, a knitting needle roll. It's beautiful and now I have a place, other than a basket to store my needles in.
We got Beau 2.5 years ago. We were dog sitting for my brother in law...He and his daughters were taking a trip to Florida, so we happily took Beau. When Mark came to pick him up, Beau didn't want to go, stuck his nose up in the air and went to lay down in the corner of the living room. We've had him ever since. Yeah, he was a pest at times, but we loved him. We took care of him. He wasn't very playful, after all, at that time, he was 16. I took him to the vet, and other than being an "old man", needing a good dental cleaning and having some arthritis in his hind legs, he was a healthy dog.
I took him to the vet this past January. His arthritis had gotten alot worse, and he started dry heaving. He was still pretty healthy though, for a dog his age. His health just started to deteriorate. His back legs started to give out frequently, causing him to fall down our 2 little steps we have on our side porch. Sometimes he couldn't get up the step into the kitchen, his legs would give out. The dry heaving got worse. His breathing when he came in from outside was horrible, it sounded as though he had emphysema. He couldn't see. The cataracts I'm sure had made him completely blind, as he bumped into everything. It was very painful to see.
Yet he was so loyal to us. He loved us as much as we loved him...I just know it. He was pesty at times, bugging us for food when we had dinner, refusing to eat his own. Being unable to see, he was always bumping into me as I was trying to cook dinner, not a good thing when I was carrying a hot pan or hot food. He was a very good dog, who loved being pet, hugged and kissed.
I talked with my husband about having him put to sleep. His quality of life was just so poor, but it seemed as though he would shut down and not want to talk about it, so I feel like this was a decision I had to make all on my own. The other night, I asked him if he had any objections to me calling the vet and making an appt. He was only worried about the cost, but wouldn't talk much.
Yesterday, it was a miserable, rainy day. The kids were very good though, they kept the fighting to a minimum, and actually played nice together. So, I called the vet in late morning and made our appt. I was very upset, but knew I had to do this for Beau. He just had to be hurting, after all, he would sporadically just cry in his sleep. It totally broke my heart.
Not long after I made the appt, the sky cleared and the sun came out. I took it as a sign from God that I was making the right decision for our beloved pet. I talked to the kids after lunch, and we shared stories, I answered their questions, and we shared lots of tears. I made Beau a meal he loved...hamburger! He ate two hamburgers and then some cheese quesadillas I made for supper.
We took him to the vet. Angelina, Anna, Allie and Alaina wanted to go. My mom came with us as well. I know there are people that would have a problem with children being present, but it's all a part of the cycle of life. I wasn't going to deny them wanting to be with him when he passed. It was a very peaceful process. I held him, the kids loved him and hugged him and we all cried as he took his last breath. I hope he knew how much we really loved him.
We are all taking it pretty hard. I'm very sad. I know in my head and heart that I made the right decision for him, but I still feel like this horrible person, who was trying to play God. My heart aches in a way it hasn't before. I feel like the weight of the world is sitting on my now. The kids are taking this very hard as well. They miss him terribly. We are going to get some flowers, a tree or something and plant a little garden in Beau's memory. He's my first pet that I had as a grown up, and he was our first and only family pet.
I know my hubby is hurting too, although he won't admit it. Every night we do a "circle time" with the kids, where we pray and then talk or do fun things. They will take turns reading a bible story, or we will play quiet games like question and answer. He didn't want to participate in our circle time last night, he "wasn't in the mood". I pray for my husband that he can come to terms with Beau's death. I think he loved Beau more than he wants to admit.
Anyway, here are some pictures that Matt took of Beau yesterday, and one I took of him and Beau together.